"Ding Dong Calling" - A Josie and the Pussycats Tale

How many of you remember what your first after school job was?  Perhaps it was something like delivering newspapers.  Or maybe you flipped burgers at the local diner or fast food joint.  Perhaps you swept popcorn off the floor of the movie theatre.  Or, maybe you did what I did and painted a fence or two.

Today's story features a couple of women who work for the same company for a part-time job.  One needs the money, the other doesn't.  And what happens when one of the women comes up with a "brilliant" idea that ends up getting her shown the door in one of the most hilarious firings ever!

So, today is Tuesday, which means that I'll be featuring a story that stars non-Archie characters.  But that doesn't mean that the stories aren't any less entertaining.  I guffawed a lot when I read this story for the first time, and I think you will too.

Now, it might seem strange that this story first appeared in an Archie title - "Archie's TV Laugh-Out #59".  But keep in mind that "Archie's TV Laugh-Out" was a title that usually featured two Archie stories, one Sabrina story, and today's subject, one Josie story.

And this one is a genuine Josie story.  Not a Josie and the Pussycats story.  And to be honest, this story doesn't even really feature Josie all that much, as Alexandra Cabot is the main character of this tale.

Today's story is called...wait for it..."Ding Dong Calling".  Even the title makes me chortle!

If the scans look slanted, it's because I used the story reprinted in "Laugh Digest #74".  But whatever the case, we eavesdrop on a conversation between Alexandra and Valerie, and Valerie is talking to Alexandra about Josie's brand new part-time job.  It seems as though Josie has landed a gig as a girl who goes door to door to sell cosmetics and beauty aids.  Basically, it's kind of similar to the Avon or Mary Kay business models, only the company name in this story is the Ding-Dong company.  I'm guessing that they chose that name because doorbells go ding-dong.

Alexandra is not impressed by Josie's job at all - mainly because Alexandra was born into a wealthy family and has zero use for any kind of job.  But when Alan M. comes along and starts praising Josie for making an honest living by doing some hard work, Alexandra is fuming, and she decides at that moment that she will become a Ding-Dong lady herself.

Yeah, for those of you who aren't familiar with Josie comics during the Pussycats era, Josie likes Alan M.  Alan M. likes Josie.  Alexandra also likes Alan M., but Alan M. thinks that Alexandra comes on too strong.  So, Alexandra's main purpose in life (aside from being a spoiled brat and making her twin brother's life miserable) is to steal Alan M. away from Josie.  So, essentially, it's like Archie/Betty/Veronica all over again.

So, because Alan M. has praised Josie for working, Alexandra decides that she will lower her standards by getting a job and actually working for a living.  Why do I get a feeling that this is going to end up being a trainwreck?  Sigh...let's take a peek inside of the interview process.

You can see why I find this story to be quite hilarious.  The amount of ding-dongs flying around the conversation makes me think that the company is run by ding-dongs.  In fact, Mr...erm...Ding-Dong, shall we call him?  Yeah, Mr. Ding-Dong doesn't even really give Alexandra an interview.  He hires Alexandra on the spot and she basically glances over the contract which she states is entirely made up of fine print.  It's actually kind of disappointing that this is the only mention we hear of the contract because they don't really touch upon it at all.  But I will say that this is the beginning of Alexandra's career as a Ding-Dong lady, and believe me, she definitely fits the Ding-Dong description.

She is sent to Chestnut Street and the first house she comes across has a typical housewife who is in the middle of doing the laundry, the dishes, and the vacuuming.  Unfortunately, Alexandra is very uncomfortable in her house because of the mess.

So, Alexandra decides that she will have to conduct her business at the country club, and she tells her prospective customer out to lunch to talk it over.  Yeah, taking a customer to an expensive country club restaurant just to sell her cosmetics.  I sure hope our customer buys enough cosmetics to stock a Sephora store because that's the only way Alexandra can expect to see any sort of profit.  And for all the trouble Alexandra goes through, all our customer purchases is a small tube of lipstick that costs four dollars - which let's face it, in 1978, it was quite pricey.  But still, spending a few hours for one sale.  Can't wait to hear how she explains this to Mr. Ding-Dong!

Alexandra comes back to the offices of Ding-Dong Cosmetics, where Josie is updating Mr. Ding-Dong on her progress.  Josie's had a fairly good day, selling over a hundred dollars worth of beauty products to several people on her route.  That's quite a nice haul that she made.  She must be really good at her job!  Alexandra, on the other hand, made a hundred and eight dollars less than Josie - a sales figure that kind of makes Mr. Ding-Dong a bit sick on the inside.

But not as sick as he is about to feel when Alexandra reveals that the country club lunch that she took her customer to cost thirty-seven dollars.  Yep, she spent $37 to make four.  Net profit = MINUS $33!

And this probably leads to one of the funniest endings I've ever read!

You thought that Veronica Lodge was oblivious?  Meet Alexandra Cabot.  At the end of this story, Alexandra is so angry at being fired that she makes plans to fire Mr. Ding-Dong - but Alexandra has to realize that she's only a teenager and that she hasn't exactly been fired before - mainly because she hasn't had a job before this!  At least Josie has shown that she's a capable employee...and it looks like Josie has kept the love and attention of Alan M. at that.

Better luck next time, Alexandra.