"Fireball" - An Archie and Veronica Tale

It's been a long time since I've wrote a blog on a serious themed story, so today is the day.

This is a story that features Archie and Veronica, and the reason why it's serious is because one of them almost dies because of carelessness and complacency.  It should serve as a reminder to all of us that we should all practice safety no matter what because you never know when tragedy can strike.

So, this is kind of a weird situation because this story is credited to several different characters depending on where the reprint is found.  For instance, the story is credited to Veronica in the book where I got today's scans from (Archie's Double Digest #58).  But the original source is found in "Archie at Riverdale High #36".  Which is bizarre because the story doesn't even take place at Riverdale High, but that's beside the point.

No, our setting for this tale is Lodge Mansion, and we're going to watch as Veronica and Archie arrive in the story called "Fireball".

It's always a nerve-wracking experience whenever Archie walks inside Veronica's house because usually something very expensive gets destroyed - usually by Archie.  So imagine the shock when it's Veronica who throws her hat on a table and breaks an antique vase on the ground.  Archie is shocked - mainly because for once he's NOT the one breaking things.  But he's also shocked that Veronica seems to not care about what she just did.  Mr. Lodge comes out to see what happened and it's almost expected that he'll get Smithers to throw him out.  But when he realizes that it's Veronica that broke it, he sighs and tells Archie that the vase is about four thousand years old.  Veronica scoffs that it's about time that they get a new vase, and Archie tells Veronica off, saying that what she did was careless and she should know better. 

Whoa!  Where's THIS Archie when Veronica tries to manipulate him into spending money he doesn't have? 

Anyway, it appears that Mr. and Mrs. Lodge are going to be away for the night, and in addition, Smithers and the rest of the mansion staff have the night off.  It'll be just Veronica at home tonight, and Veronica insists that she will be okay by herself because she's a big girl.  Mr. Lodge hopes that is the case as he tells Veronica to lock the house.  Oh, and because Mr. Lodge doesn't trust Archie to be alone with his daughter, he tells Archie that he needs to beat it too. 

As soon as Archie and Mr. Lodge leaves, Veronica rolls her eyes, scoffs at how they treat her like a child, and walks towards the kitchen.  She decides that she will make dinner for herself, but she will eat it the same way all rich people do.  She will take a tray up to her room and eat it in bed.  That actually sounds like a fun idea.  I just hope she doesn't make herself something with a lot of crumbs.

After getting dressed for bed and putting on her favourite record on her record player (making this story very much a 1970s story), she eats her dinner by the light of a candle that happens to be on the tray.  It sounds like a luxurious way to spend a night. 

It seems as though the dinner that Veronica made (and I'm assuming she did NOT cook it herself because we all know what a disaster she is in the kitchen) was very delicious and filled her up.  It's not long before she's yawning and ready to turn in for the night.  It doesn't take much time for her to fall fast asleep, but in her state of tiredness, she forgets to do one important thing.  She forgets to blow out the candle that was on her dinner tray.  As Veronica settles into a deep sleep, the candle falls onto her bed and ignites the sheets on the bed. 

Carelessness strikes again.  Only this time, it's Veronica that could end up losing everything.  Her bed.  Her room.  Her life.  Whatever is she going to do?

Fortunately, Archie has a nagging feeling that something just isn't right at the Lodge Mansion, and despite Mr. Lodge telling Archie no more than a couple of hours earlier not to come to the Lodge Mansion, Archie decides that he has to check on her.  And it's probably a good thing that he does because he arrives at the mansion just as Veronica has opened up a window to call for help.

Now, I'm just saying - wouldn't opening a window cause the fire to cause a flashover and turn Veronica into a grilled rich girl?  But I suppose in comic books, we can ignore scientific evidence because she's in trouble and Archie is the only one that can save her.  A passerby comes up and Archie tells him to call the fire department while he tries to rescue her.  Wouldn't 911 be a faster way?  I mean, just saying.

Now, assuming that Veronica's bedroom is completely engulfed (minus the one area of the room where Veronica just happens to be), Archie really doesn't have time to waste.  He needs to find a way to get to Veronica's bedroom as fast as possible.  Fortunately, there is a way.  You see the ivy that encircles the house?  One of those paths leads directly to the window.  It's a long shot, but if the ivy holds, Archie can climb the ivy outside the window and get Veronica out that way.

Archie also realizes that he'll need more than the ivy to steady himself, so he grabs a rope (located a little too conveniently in the Lodge garage), and ties it to the ivy.  It takes a little bit of time, but Archie manages to reach Veronica and carries her to safety via the rope just as the firemen arrive.

The firemen put the fire out, and luckily they confine it to just the one room, so no harm really done - though I imagine Veronica will have quite a story to tell her parents when they come home to find her bedroom completely burned up.  Archie is happy for two reasons.  Obviously Veronica being safe from the fire is one...but he's also happy that the fire happened because now Mr. Lodge won't kill him for disobeying his orders.

Oh, Archie...           

"Doll Daffy" - An Archie Tale

I've never really been great at fixing things.  When it comes to tools, I'm literally all thumbs.  It's probably why I dabble in the arts instead of going into a trade.  But I have all the respect in the world for those who can fix electronics, toys, and mechanical objects.  I only wish I could be that skilled.  I suppose the most I could hope for is correcting the spelling on documents or art restoration.

In this story, we see one of Archie's hidden talents - that comes with a lot of perks!

Normally you don't find too many "new" stories in digest collections, but this one was brand new in "Archie Digest #112".  And as you can see, this story has a very interesting collaboration between the two main artists!

Yes, that's right!  Archie's Rudy Lapick and Katy Keene's John Lucas worked together on this tale.  And, might I add that they did a great job illustrating this story.  I always liked John Lucas' Katy Keene stories with a modern twist, and you can tell that this story actually looks like it comes from the 1991 time capsule!

Anyway, back to the story.  A little girl named Melissa stops Archie on the street as he is on his way to school.  It seems that Melissa's brother brought Archie a broken toy plan for him to fix and he did a brilliant job on it.  Therefore, Melissa seems to think that Archie can fix her broken doll as well.  Archie's never worked on a doll before - mainly because he never owned any as a boy - but he tells Melissa that he will do his best.

Of course, this story is set in 1991, and back then, guys were still teased if they played with toys that didn't conform to gender stereotypes.  So Archie has a little hesitation going to school with a doll in his backpack.  And when Archie doesn't zip up his backpack fully closed and the doll falls out - well, let's just say that Moose and Reggie (who are standing nearby) don't hesitate to poke fun at him.  On one hand, it's totally immature that Reggie and Moose would be so jerky to Archie without getting the full story.  But on the other hand, I'm shocked that Reggie and Moose are actually friends in this story!  But then again, Midge isn't around, so that could be the reason.

Archie asks a teacher if he can use an empty classroom to fix the doll, and he gets to work on it during his study period.  With a little glue, and a little tender loving care, the doll is fixed.  And an ecstatic Melissa thanks Archie with a kiss on the cheek.  Awwww!

Melissa is so excited that when she runs into Betty and Veronica, she boasts about Archie's doll fixing skills.  Betty and Veronica are shocked by Archie's hidden talent, and Archie himself seems surprised.  Many people are toy makers, but Archie's a toy fixer!  This gives Betty and Veronica some ideas.  It turns out that both of them have dolls that they have owned since they were kids and are in bad need of repair.  Archie tells both of them to bring the dolls to school tomorrow and he will use his study period to fix them.  

Archie has officially become the doll doctor.

And this doll doctor has amazing skills.  Betty and Veronica's dolls are fixed good as new, and it's not long after that when random Riverdale High girls from freshmen to seniors approach Archie to help fix their dolls as well.  From Barbie dolls to Raggedy Ann dolls, it's not long before Archie has several patients on his roster.

But as Archie keeps wandering through the halls carrying enough dolls to fill the toy shelves at Target, Reggie is watching in the background and is coming to a very wrong conclusion.  He tells the entire football team that Archie has lost his mind and that every single lunch period and study period, he likes to play with dolls.  See, this is how rumours start, and this is why I had such a difficult time in high school.  Most of my male classmates were just like Reggie - jocks who had major toxic masculinity who thought that guys who didn't think the way that they did deserved to be harassed.  It's probably why I don't talk to any of them now twenty years later.  Especially since none of them have really matured that much.  

Ahem...anyway, back to the story.

Some of the football players don't believe Reggie's claims that Archie plays with dolls - mainly because they know that Reggie and Archie don't exactly get along a lot of the time.  But Reggie insists that he is telling the truth.  He knows that Archie is in the cafeteria with a bunch of dolls and he leads the team to the cafeteria for them to see the truth.

Of course, the football team doesn't exactly see Archie FIXING any dolls.  They're too busy looking at the crowd of beautiful girls hovering around Archie's lunch table to really see what's going on.  Turns out that males who suffer from toxic masculinity also suffer from jealousy and envy, and when they see Archie surrounded by girls, they try to figure out how to get the same effect.

At the same time, the Booster Club (which I had to look up the meaning for since I've never heard the term in Canada - apparently it's an organization made up of parents of students at high schools that oversee progress of sports teams and clubs within the school) arrives to pay a visit to Coach Kleats.  They're a little concerned about the football team this year and they want Coach Kleats to reassure them that the team will be ready to clobber the competition.  Coach Kleats is excited to show off his team, saying that the team is the roughest and toughest team ever.

So, what do you think happens next?

Ah...sometimes justice is sweet.  Not only do the Booster Club and the female population of Riverdale High find the football team weird for holding a dozen dolls, but Reggie's plot to humiliate Archie ended up working like a karma boomerang and now he's the one looking foolish. 

Is it any wonder I love this story?

"Freezer Plan" - An Archie Tale

I know it's the end of February, and we still probably have some more blasts of winter weather coming our way, but I don't care.  I love frozen treats and will eat them all year long.

Popsicles?  Yes please.  Fudgsicles?  Absolutely!  Creamsicles, not so much.  But freezies?  Oh, I only WISH they were available all year round.

However, my favourite frozen treat to eat all year is ice cream.  I love lots of different flavours of ice cream.  My favourite is probably cookies and creme, but I like french vanilla, and chocolate, and mint chocolate chip, and peanut butter.  Really, the only flavours I'm not a fan of are strawberry and neopolitan ice cream, and that's because I am allergic to strawberries.

And of course, I always look for ways to enjoy ice cream other than in a bowl or a cone.  I used to dip chocolate chip cookies in ice cream when I was kid.  And I admit that after seeing an episode of "Beverly Hills 90210" where Donna put microwave popcorn on top of ice cream, I tried it...and kind of liked it!

Well, in this story, ice cream is the star of the show as Archie's carelessness leads to many ways that ice cream can be enjoyed.  And it doesn't even have to be frozen either!

You know, even though this story first appeared 47 years ago in "Archie #217", it's still relevant today, and I wouldn't be surprised if readers of this story actually tried some of the suggestions brought forth in this story.  Today's story is called "Freezer Plan", and it features artwork by Harry Lucey.

I'm guessing it must be a quiet night in Riverdale because instead of Archie going on a date with Betty or Veronica, he's in the kitchen getting himself a large bowl of vanilla ice cream.  I suppose the flavour of ice cream matches the excitement of the night at the Andrews family.  But you know what?  I love vanilla ice cream.  And so does Archie because he makes himself a large bowl of it to eat while he watches television with his parents.  Must be an exciting episode of "Hawaii Five-Oh".  The original with Jack Lord, and not the remake with Alex O'Loughlin.

It's such an exciting show that as soon as it's over, everybody is yawning and wanting to turn in for the night.  It's quite the Waltons like experience where everyone says good night to each other, changes into their pajamas, and goes to sleep. 

Like the ice cream Archie ate, it's very vanilla.

The following morning, everyone is up and ready to eat breakfast, but a catastrophe is about to take place.

Yeah, in Archie's haste to get back to watching television before the commercials came back on because TiVo didn't exist back in 1972, he forgot to put the ice cream back into the freezer.  As a result, three-quarters of the ice cream has now melted inside the carton and partially all over the kitchen counter.  Of course, they could just re-freeze the ice cream.  It wouldn't have the same consistency, but it would still taste all right.  But Mrs. Andrews decides that nobody would want melted ice cream and she decides that she will pour it down the kitchen sink.

What Mrs. Andrews doesn't count on is the extra sensory perception that Jughead has when it comes to food.  He happens to be walking by Archie's house, and his spidey senses start tingling, and barges in just as Mrs. Andrews is about to dispose of the melted vanilla ice cream.  Jughead decides that this will not do, grabs the container out of her hand, and chugs some of it right there and then.  Now, to most people, this would be considered a shocking event.  For the Andrews family, it's a standard day.

Besides, Jughead absolutely LOVES melted ice cream.  He describes it as rich, creamy, and delicious.  And he won't rest until he makes everyone else see it too.

While all this is happening, Mr. Andrews is asking his wife to put some cream in his coffee.  But instead of half and half, Jughead decides to pour some melted ice cream into his cup.

It ends up being a huge hit as Mr. Andrews finds the combination delicious, as does Mrs. Andrews.  Archie even gets into the act by pouring ice cream over top of his bananas, peaches, and strawberries.  Who knew that melted ice cream could provide a number of different taste sensations?

After breakfast, Archie and Jughead go for a walk, and both of them talk about how a little melted ice cream made breakfast so much more delicious, and they brainstorm other ways that they could use melted ice cream to enhance other foods.  Sure, covering the top of a cake with melted ice cream could be a yummy experience.  And I imagine that melted ice cream would be delicious over top of a slice of apple pie.  But then the idea comes that they could take melted ice cream of one flavour and pour it over top of a frozen flavour of another.  And with that idea, they take it and run to the Chocklit Shop, where Betty, Veronica, and Reggie are sitting. 

You know, I have to say that Jughead has always had the greatest street smarts of all of the Archie gang, and his sharing his melted ice cream ideas with his friends is genius.  Archie and his pals have some new tastes to enjoy, and I imagine Pop Tate is excited for this idea as people are now buying two bowls of ice cream instead of just one! 

In fact, I might do this myself!  With the flavour combos I listed underneath the last panel!

"A Matter of Timing" - A Jughead Tale

Timing is key in a lot of things in life.  Good timing can mean the difference between getting a crowd to laugh at your jokes or boo you off the stage.  It can mean the difference between getting the perfect job, and being left on the unemployment line.  It can even make the difference between whether you get a second date after the first date or not.

And frankly, I must have lousy timing in that regard because I have a hard time getting first dates!  

But enough about my lack of love life here.  We're not talking about me here.  We're going to be talking about Jughead and how he claims to be cursed with the worst timing possible.  

This is a story that first appeared when the Archie's Pal Jughead title changed to the name Jughead.  But for sake of argument, I'll refer to the name of the book as "Archie's Pal Jughead #320".  Back in the late 1970s and early 1980s, Samm Schwartz was the premier Jughead artist at Archie Comics, and his Jughead tales are some of my favourite stories.  

Here's one example that has been reprinted a number of times.  It's a story that is called "A Matter of Timing".

(I wasn't kidding when I said the story had been reprinted a bunch of times either.  I count four so far.)

Now, when it comes to Jughead's personality, it can be a bit confusing.  But usually you can say that Jughead is in a fairly good mood - especially when food is involved.  But today, Jughead's not feeling like himself.  In fact, he's kind of feeling a bit down.  He tells Archie that while there are some lucky people in the world, he doesn't consider himself to be one of them.  He is either in the right place at the wrong time, or the wrong place at the right time.  I'm sure it's something that we can all relate to, but it's really bothering Jughead to the point where Archie says he's just exaggerating.

The two friends are walking down the hallway, and Archie's shoelace comes untied.  He stops to fix it, and tells Jughead to go ahead without him.  Jughead wanders down the hallway and comes across Mr. Weatherbee's path.  And Mr. Weatherbee is more than happy to see Jughead because he has a favour to ask of him.

Now if there is anything that Jughead hates more than going on a date with a girl, it's doing extra work.  And Mr. Weatherbee asking Jughead to mail a letter for him is the ultimate in extra work.  If that had happened to me, I'd love to go out and leave school to run an errand like that.  The less time spent in that building, the better!  But all Jughead can do is moan about how his timing was messed up and how he has to do the errand because Archie had to tie his shoe, and how he'll likely be hit by a car because he has to go and mail a letter.  Archie dismisses Jughead as being a drama queen and heads to his locker to get some books for his next class.  While he's there, he sees a flash of lightning outside and rain starts to pour down in heavy buckets.  And then he wonders where Jughead is.

Why, he's just returned from delivering Mr. Weatherbee's letter, and got caught up in the torrential downpour.  Since Jughead is soaked right through to his underwear, he's got to take a shower and change into some dry clothes before his next class.  But not before complaining to Archie that he once again has the worst timing.  

Jughead manages to make it through his shower without any major problems like there being no hot water, or running out of shampoo.  He also changes into his spare outfit without much incident such as his clothes being too small, or having the button pop off of his pants.  Perhaps Jughead's bad luck with timing is just limited to that incident...well, at least it would have been had he not run into Coach Kleats as he exits the boys locker room.

Wow.  I don't blame Jughead for being annoyed.  I know that if I had to move a whole set of weights from one end of the gym to the other, I would be feeling that pain for days afterwards.  And this is coming from a guy who's had to pull a giant skid of bananas from one end of the store to the other!  Not my favourite activity by any means!  Naturally when Jughead sees Archie, he can't resist venting to him about it.

Oh well, at least Jughead has some plans after school.  Really big, exciting plans.  He's going to Shelby's Department Store to buy some brand new jockey shorts!  Wow...what a way to end the day.  Of course, Archie jokes that he didn't know Jughead rode horses, which is a groaner if ever I heard one, but that's not all that uncommon to find "Dad Jokes" inside of a Samm Schwartz story...or hidden gags.  Heck, reading a Samm Schwartz story is like a Where's Waldo type tale where you have to find the easter eggs, which is probably why Samm Schwartz is one of my favourite past Archie artists.

Archie and Jughead arrive at Shelby's and enter the front door, but before Jughead can make a beeline towards the men's underwear department, sirens blare, confetti falls from the sky, and Archie and Jughead are wondering what just happened.  

Fortunately, the manager of Shelby's comes out and explains that Jughead has won a very special prize!

Yep.  Jughead's the one millionth customer, and his prize is a date with Miss Riverdale.  Could you not pick out a worse prize for the guy?  I mean, Jughead spent his whole life avoiding girls, and now he has to go out with one for being the one millionth customer.  To be honest, I can see how Jughead would feel screwed.  Yeah, I'd like a date with Miss Riverdale too, but do you know what else I'd like?  A free shopping spree through the store!  A trip to anywhere in the world!  A million dollars!  Those would be better prizes as far as I'm concerned!

Oh, and don't think that Archie gets left out.  He gets a special prize for being customer number 1,000,001.  A ten dollar gift certificate for the store.  Oooh, big spender.  But hey, back in 1981 when this story first appeared, ten bucks bought a lot.  They certainly would have paid for Jughead's jockey shorts - a point that Jughead frustratingly makes to Archie as Miss Riverdale poses for pictures with him!

Somehow, I doubt that Archie has much sympathy for him.  

Al Hartley's "Alphabet Gags"

I've always been interested in enriching my word power.

I suppose it comes naturally, being a part-time writer.  I'm always looking to add new words to my vocabulary for fun.  I think it comes from when I was a kid and I used to look at the Charlie Brown Dictionary that was at my house.  Granted, the Peanuts cartoons that helped illustrate what the words meant helped draw my interest in reading and learning new words, but I just really loved that book.  I actually wish I still had that book, but it got lost during a move, and eBay wants a fortune for a replacement copy!

It was right around that time that I got introduced to Archie comics, and I credit Archie comics with helping to enrich my vocabulary as well.  I'd always come across a word or two that I didn't know, and it prompted me to look up the word in Webster's Dictionary so that I knew what it meant.  It was a fun little game, and I believe that Archie comics helped me develop my word power.

You see?  Comic books CAN be educational!

But what I didn't know until I started actively collecting the comic books was that Archie comics attempted to do what the Charlie Brown Dictionary did - have two page gag stories where they defined words under a certain letter of the alphabet, and drew pictures to illustrate what the word meant.

I first came across one of these gags in a digest.  The one pictured above - "Jughead With Archie Digest #25".  Admittedly, I bought this one at a garage sale, and it's probably one of my most beat up digests - one that I should replace.  However, one thing that drew my attention to this digest was one of the gags inside.

So, clearly, this is a reprint of a gag that originally appeared in another comic book, but this one - as well as all of the other "alphabet gags" - were illustrated by artist Al Hartley.  And they have since become a bit of a cult classic within the Archie universe, as many people have actively sought out these gags.  Between 1970 and 1972, these alphabet gags would appear in random comic books.  And believe me, they were completely random.  The "A is for Archie" and "B is for Betty" gags appeared in two back to back "Archie and Me" comic books in 1970, and the next few letters were also released in a pattern.  But by the time they got to the letter J, the pages would be printed out of order, making it a real treasure hunt to find all of them.

Each alphabet gag followed the same formula.  The top panel would have the letter being introduced, like "C is for Comics" up above, or "J is for Jughead".  Sometimes, nonsensical words would be invented to fill in the letter blanks where a character couldn't be used, like "N is for N Joyment", for example.

And included in each alphabet gag would be a total of anywhere from eight to ten words starting with the letter that was featured.  In this example for "O is for Oh!", we see the words "obesity", "oblivious", "obsess", and "odoriferous", and Hartley did a fantastic job of drawing the perfect picture underneath each word.  It really helped this then young reader get a better idea of what the word meant.  Seeing it in picture form as well as word form helped my brain connect the two, and I think all of them were just perfection.

I wish that Archie would gather up all of these pages and create a miniature dictionary of these alphabet gags.  All of them were brilliantly done, and I think everyone who loves Archie would like to have the whole collection of them, rather than hunt all of them down one by one.

However, I've done some homework, and I have found out where twenty-four of the twenty-six letters in the alphabet have originally appeared, and I will be inserting my findings inside this blog.  But, note that my list is still incomplete.  I've looked high and dry for the letter "F", but all efforts came up empty.  I honestly believe that it could appear in PEP Comics #255 given the pattern of the other letters, but I don't have that book, and I can't find out anything about that book.  As well, I don't have a listing for the letter "X" either - but given that X is one of the least used letters as far as word beginnings go, I wouldn't be surprised if there was no X page.

So for F and X, I'll leave them blank.  If any of you can help me locate these two letters, please let me know.  I'll update my list, and I will credit those who give me the information.  Thanks in advance!

Here is my partial list for where to find these alphabet gags.  Happy hunting everyone!  (And don't ask me about reprints - they have been reprinted so many times, I'm not even sure where they all appear!)

A is for Archie! - ARCHIE AND ME #38 (October 1970)
B is for Betty! - ARCHIE AND ME #39 (December 1970)
C is for Comics! - BETTY AND ME #35 (June 1971)
D is for Dilton! - PEP COMICS #254 (June 1971)
E is for Big Ethel! - LAUGH COMICS #243 (June 1971)
F is for...
G is for Miss Grundy! - LAUGH COMICS #244 (July 1971)
H is for Hot Dog! - PEP COMICS #256 (August 1971)
I is for Idiots! - ARCHIE AND ME #45 (October 1971)
J is for Jughead! - ARCHIE'S PAL JUGHEAD #200 (January 1972)
K is for Coach Kleats! - ARCHIE'S PALS 'N' GALS #67 (December 1971)
L is for Mr. Lodge! - ARCHIE'S TV LAUGH-OUT #10 (November 1971)
M is for Big Moose! - REGGIE AND ME #51 (October 1971)
N is for N Joyment! - EVERYTHING'S ARCHIE #17 (December 1971)
O is for Oh! - ARCHIE AND ME #46 (December 1971)
P is for Pop Tate! - EVERYTHING'S ARCHIE #16 (October 1971)
Q is for Quiet! - ARCHIE AND ME #44 (September 1971)
R is for Reggie! - REGGIE AND ME #48 (May 1971)
S is for Mr. Svenson! - PEP COMICS #265 (May 1972)
T is for Two-Timer! - BETTY AND ME #37 (September 1971)
U is for Hang Ups! - LAUGH COMICS #254 (May 1972)
V is for Veronica! - ARCHIE'S GIRLS BETTY AND VERONICA #189 (September 1971)
W is for Mr. Weatherbee! - ARCHIE AND ME #43 (August 1971)
X is for...
Y is for Youth! - LAUGH COMICS #248 (November 1971)
Z is for Zleeping! - LAUGH COMICS #257 (August 1972)

"Taking Full Credit" - An Archie Tale

I can probably count the times that I have ever set foot inside of a fancy restaurant on one hand.  In fact, I've only ever been twice.  Once during a wedding reception at a country club, and once to celebrate my sister's 25th wedding anniversary.  To be honest, I've never really been a fan of the ritzy, expensive scene.  I don't fit in with the upper crust of society and I doubt that I ever will.  Give me a bacon cheeseburger and a poutine any day of the week over a meal that Gordon Ramsay makes and has the nerve to charge $225 a plate for.

But when Archie is trying to go steady with the richest woman in town, he has to swallow his pride and choke down expensive meals every single time they date.  And as we all well know, Archie doesn't exactly have the budget to splurge on expensive restaurants.

In today's tale, Archie seems to have every one of his wishes come true when his father gives him what appears to be the golden ticket.  But will everything go Archie's way?

This story first appeared in "Everything's Archie #37", which was first printed in 1974.  Keep that in mind as we take a look at the first page of the story entitled "Taking Full Credit".

The story begins with average Archie doing some above average things for his father.  He's managed to cross off enough chores off of his chore list to satisfy his father.  Of course, the only reason Archie is even doing chores is so he can get some money from his parents - which is something that I could never do because money was really tight in my household.  But in this case, Mr. Andrews is really pleased with Archie's work and decides to reward him handsomely...with a five dollar bill.

Even Archie seems to be a bit disappointed.  Granted, five dollars in 1974 was worth quite a lot of money, but for Veronica's expensive tastes?  Five dollars could barely buy a poached egg. 

Ah, but Mr. Andrews has another surprise for Archie.

The five dollars is merely to be used to get Archie and Veronica to the expensive restaurant.  To pay for the meal, Mr. Andrews is giving Archie his credit card!  Wow!  With a credit card, Archie can really afford to take Veronica out on the town.  And it's also a surprise that Archie has a credit card to use in 1974.  Yes, modern day credit cards have been in use since the late 1950s, but back in the 1970s, credit cards were very seldom used.  A lot of places didn't even take credit cards back then, as the credit card companies didn't really start pushing them until the 1980s.  I still remember as a kid seeing windows in storefronts making a big deal out of the fact that they accepted Visa and MasterCard.  I kind of hope this doesn't make any impact on Archie's date with Veronica.

Archie rings Veronica up on the phone and gives her the good news about their date tonight and Veronica is a little bit nervous.  It's not the first time that Archie has embarrassed himself and her by not having enough money on a date before, and she's worried that something will happen again.  But Archie reassures her that he will be able to swing it, and he has made reservations for both of them at the fancy Swiss Chalet restaurant.

The night of the big date arrives, and Archie and Veronica are dressed to the nines.  The interior of the restaurant is quite stunning.  Violin players fill the air with romantic music, the tables are shrouded in candlelight, and the waiters are all decked out in tuxedos.  It truly is one of the fanciest places in all of Riverdale, and one that most people wouldn't be able to afford.  But Archie has got his golden ticket in the form of Mr. Andrews' credit card.  With the card, he can afford such fancy dishes as the lobster, or the beef wellington, or caviar!  He might not like them, but he can afford them.  Veronica is incredibly impressed, and she can't wait to rub it in the faces of Betty, Nancy, Midge, Ethel, and all the other girls at Riverdale High that Archie took her to the ritziest place in town.  Archie is just happy that Veronica is happy and promises her that it will be a night she will never forget.

The waiter comes to take their orders, and Archie takes this opportunity to ask the waiter which credit cards they accept.  After all, some places accept American Express, but not Discover.  Or, they may accept Visa and MasterCard, but exclude Capital One.  The waiter makes it easy on Archie.

And when I say easy, I mean he makes it impossible. 

Well...at least Archie promised Veronica that it would be a night she'd never forget...

"The Lonely Heart of Riverdale: Part Two" - A Betty's Diary Tale

When we last left Betty, she was involved in the middle of a mystery surrounding a love letter found in a book she took home with her from a book sale.  This story, which started yesterday (and can be found in "Betty's Diary #4") last had Betty at the Riverdale Hall of Records to find information on a girl named Lydia Wyndham.  In 1917, she wrote a letter to her love, Declan McManus, who was overseas as a soldier in World War I.  The letter was never mailed, and any leads to a possible location always lead to a dead end.  But Betty is determined to find out who Lydia is, and where she is (or even if she is still alive), so she can return the letter to her and find out whatever became of her and Declan.

It's been three hours since she arrived at the Hall of Records, and she has come up empty.  The process to transfer all of the records onto the computer has been a slow process, and all of the files that are in the building are all mixed up.  Betty is about ready to give up on the search when she stumbles upon an interesting piece of information in the real estate records.

Inside is what appears to be the most current address for Lydia Wyndham.  It's believed that at some point in her adulthood, she bought a house right in the middle of Riverdale.  It's a long shot, but Betty believes that she has located Lydia.  As Betty walks down to the neighbourhood where Lydia is supposed to live, she is nervous about meeting Lydia.  If Lydia was sixteen when she wrote the letter, she would be eighty-six years of age now.  She wonders what she will even say to her.  She arrives at the home where she thinks Lydia is living, and she spies an elderly woman sitting on her porch sipping on some tea.  She hears Betty approaching and wonders who she is.  Betty tells Lydia that she found an old book at a library book sale and inside was a letter that she wrote.

The letter seems to have spooked Lydia at first, but once she starts reading the letter, she starts to chuckle.  She is more than happy to share the story of the letter, but she warns Betty that the story behind the letter isn't as romantic as she thinks it is, because she says that she made the whole thing up.  Lydia explains that when she moved to Riverdale, she was around Betty's age.  She had very few friends, and she had a vivid imagination.  She created the character of Declan McManus out of loneliness and she would write letters from her point of view as well as from his point of view.

Lydia is sure that Betty thinks she's mad, but Betty is so fascinated by Lydia's story that she wants to hear more.  Lydia admits that she would imagine her Declan to be so brave, fighting for freedom and standing up to the enemy.  Braving the battle lines, with the letters from her keeping his spirits up and promising him that she would wait for him.  She dreamed of him coming home from the war, their love becoming stronger than ever before, and they would get married, have children, and live happily ever after.  It was a nice dream, but for Lydia that was all that it would ever be.  Betty is saddened that Lydia has seemingly had a lonely life, but Lydia insists that it all worked out for her.  Because Lydia did such a fantastic job of conveying emotions and using words to express her true feelings, she eventually used that gift to become a best-selling romance author.  I can imagine that the books she sold she used to pay for her home and set herself up for life.

In fact, Betty seems shocked when Lydia Wyndham reveals her pen name is Elyse Smith - an author that Betty is not only familiar with, but who happens to be one of her favourite authors.  Talk then turns to the book "Wuthering Heights", and before long, Betty joins Lydia for a spot of tea, and they swap stories.  I can imagine Lydia giving Betty tips on writing, and sharing her worldly wisdom, and I can imagine Betty telling Lydia all about Archie, and how she has a dream to be a writer herself.  It's the beginning of a beautiful, unexpected friendship between Lydia and Betty and I love how they have bonded in this story.  They have such a great time together that Betty ends up staying until the sun goes down.  Betty has to get going, but Lydia thanks Betty for the visit, and Betty promises that she will visit again.

And that's a promise that Betty makes.  Beginning with Betty's Diary #4, and lasting for the next thirteen or fourteen issues, Betty and Lydia's bond grows, and there are several stories in which Betty seeks Lydia's guidance for a variety of things.  I plan on sharing some more stories of Betty's friendship with Lydia in this space, so stay tuned for that. 

However, there is something nagging at Betty as she leaves Lydia's place.  She was entertained by Lydia's vivid stories, but she gets the feeling that Lydia didn't tell her everything, and when she goes to the Hall of Records, she makes a very tragic discovery - one that can be seen in the tears of Lydia's eyes as she looks through another letter.

"The Lonely Heart of Riverdale: Part One" - A Betty's Diary Tale

Okay, I'll be the first one to admit that I am not a fan of Valentine's Day.  It's just another Hallmark holiday designed to push as much chocolate, roses, and heart-shaped things out so that stores can make a profit.  Sounds romantic, doesn't it?

Of course, I'm also single.  Therefore, Valentine's Day has zero meaning in my life.

That being said, when it comes down to it, I like reading Valentine's themed stories in Archie comics.  Mainly because in most cases, the Valentine's Day plans almost always fall apart and it kind of makes me satisfied in knowing that fictional characters can have a worse day than me. 

There IS one story though that while it isn't Valentine's Day themed, it really should be.  It's a tale of young love, heartbreak, and learning to move ahead.  But the first part of this story deals with Betty trying to decode the mystery behind a book she buys at a book sale that leads her to this very tale of young love, heartbreak, and learning to move ahead.  In fact, like the Jughead two-parter story that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, this tale is firmly in my list of my Top 10 Archie stories ever written, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Well, as much as I can share of it, anyway.

The story first appeared in "Betty's Diary #4", which was released in 1986.  Now keep that in mind as you read this tale because I've only ever seen it reprinted once - in "Betty and Veronica Digest #50".  The only reason I point that out is because if they reprinted it now, they'd have to do some serious editing.

Here is Part One of the tale "The Lonely Heart of Riverdale".

So, Betty is spending the weekend volunteering at various charity events around town since it appears as though Veronica has sent everyone else away.  Or, perhaps Betty is the only one who doesn't have any big plans for the weekend.  Whatever the case, she is doing some volunteer work at the public library's annual book sale.  As a kid, I used to love going to those.  It's the time of year in which the library sells some of their older books to make room for the newer ones, and you could find some real treasures there.  It's how I built up a lot of my book collection when I was in grade school, anyway.

Betty's gaze is firmly in place at the box of romance novels there.  I guess it doesn't come as too much of a surprise that hopeless romantic Betty would be interested in romance novels.  After all, she's been in a love triangle with Archie and Veronica for over seventy-five years now!

When Betty discovers a copy of the book "Wuthering Heights" in hardcover, the woman who has organized the book sale, Mrs. Walton, gives Betty the book for free as payment for all the hard work she put in to help out.  What an awesome thing to do!  Naturally, Betty is grateful, and proceeds to flip through the pages.  When she does, something falls out of the book.  Upon closer inspection, it is a letter addressed to a Declan McManus that was never mailed.  Now, normally it would be a crime to open up mail that doesn't belong to you, but since the letter was written a long time ago, I suppose there's no harm in it. 

Now this is why any future reprints would have to be edited.  The letter is dated July 15, 1917 - which would put the time frame at right around World War I.  In the letter, a woman who didn't sign the letter wrote to Declan who was her fiance at that time.  Declan was about to go fight in the war and the girl was telling him to be safe in his travels.  The letter is written beautifully and the concern that the girl had for Declan causes Betty to well up a bit.  In fact, she is so taken back with emotion that Mrs. Watson actually sends Betty home, telling her to enjoy the book and that they appreciate her help with the sale.  And this gives Betty a chance to really start digging for more clues.  Such as, who wrote the letter.

Turns out that Betty doesn't have to look very far.  On the inside cover of the book is a handwritten message to a girl named Lydia.  It was a Christmas gift from her parents.  And the name on the inside cover - Lydia Wyndham - matches the handwriting in the letter to Declan.  Ah, so our couple from World War I was Declan McManus and Lydia Wyndham.  And if both of them were around 17 or 18 when Lydia wrote that letter in 1917, it would stand to reason that in 1986, they would both be in their eighties.  Betty wonders if either one of them are even still alive.  All she has is the address that is listed on the envelope of the letter Lydia wrote - 75 Oak Boulevard.  Betty thinks that visiting that home would be a great place to start.  Even if Declan and Lydia don't live there now, they might run into someone who might know something about them.  As Betty approaches Oak Boulevard, even she gets caught up in the romance behind the letter, and wonders if Lydia and Declan ever got married.  But, unfortunately for Betty, her investigation hits a snag.

No, Lydia, nor Declan live in this empty lot.  How's that for progress?  Unfortunately, while the condos are coming, Betty's search for Lydia and Declan hits a wall, and she is absolutely stuck as to what to do next.

She talks about the situation with her mother over lunch about the book she brought home, and the letter that was found inside.  She says that she wants to find out where Lydia is so that she can return the letter to her, but her search has come up empty.  Remember, this story was written in 1986 - long before Google was even thought of.  She's tried dialing information, and she's tried to get them to look up possible phone numbers and addresses, but nobody knows anything about the whereabouts of Lydia Wyndham, or even if she lives in Riverdale, or if she's even still alive.

So what do you do in a pre-Internet world where personal computers are more of a luxury than a necessity?  Well, Mrs. Cooper comes up with a brilliant idea.  Every city has a hall of records located somewhere in town.  A place where every detail known about every resident - past and present - can be researched.  She suggests that Betty go there for answers, and Betty doesn't hesitate to take a trip there.  When she gets there, the woman in charge, Rita, tells Betty that they are in the process of transferring all of the paper files onto computer disks (another tell tale sign that this story is outdated now).  Betty is more than welcome to use the computer, as well as any of the records located in the hall of records to find out what she wants to find out.  I mean, granted, Betty is looking for every single real estate listing and marriage licence issued over a seventy year period, so she's going to be there a while...but that'll give me just enough time to write Part 2 of this post.

See you then!

In the meantime - how do you like the new PEP Culture banner?  I decided to change it when I changed up the font from Cooper Black to Souvenir Bold.